I’ve been in a funk lately. Unfortunately, there is no glamorous way to disguise it, no great excuse that can justify why I haven’t been able to shake this sense of aimlessly floating through my days. I have finally had enough of this, I will take back my life, it is mine for the taking! Now where to begin…. Do you ever find yourself suddenly aware of the direction your life is headed and its not a pleasant realization? I think its safe to say that at some point, however big or small a moment, we’ve all needed to regroup and change course.
Periodically (its been more frequent in the last year since I had my son), I pick up a bad habit, drop a good one or just realize I need to change something in my life. This funk has been an ongoing saga for roughly the last 12 months. Did I mention I have a 12-month-old baby, who also happens to be my first??? I adore him, he is literally the most precious little creature on the face of this planet (the humble opinion of mommy me). However, my life is drastically different now, body changes, dietary changes, lifestyle changes, the list goes on…. HELLO IDENTITY CRISIS! As much as I want to be that cool mom who doesn’t appear to have been affected by childbirth and motherhood, I’m not and they probably aren’t either.
The biggest thing that has made a positive impact on how I see myself and my future now that I am a mother is simply accepting that I will never get my old life back. Was it even that fabulous? No, but it was my life and I knew that life. I knew who I was in relationship to the things I had built around me and I had worked my fanny off to get there. Don’t get me wrong sometimes I still yearn for the days when I wasn’t attached at the boob to a tiny human. This isn’t a new theme for me either, flashback to college, I never wanted to be anyone’s girlfriend, not real girlfriend anyway. I desperately wanted to live in the moment and not be inhibited by anyone. Now, I have this cute little person who needs me…. 24/7 *sigh*
Back to the point, I am in a bad funk. This baby thing has really gotten under my skin, no pun intended, that whole pregnancy situation, BIG thing under my skin for a few months there… Now that I’ve accepted the truth that I am a mother, let’s look at where I’m at currently. I’m going to start with the positive faucets because I am making a conscious effort to be uplifting and empowering to myself instead of letting negative though patterns get me down.
-I take care of my family’s basic needs at home.
-I actively engage and connect with my baby (not always easy for new mom’s especially for those struggling with PPD)
-I finally have a clear longer term vision for my career!!!
-I have actively participated in some major personal development and have recently achieved a goal in that area of my life.
The Little-Bit-Funky Stuff:
-Lack of personal accountability for daily, small goals.
-Unorganized, unpredictable daily routine.
Ok, so its not so horrible when I look at in on paper. I’m defiantly the kind of person who can sometimes feel overwhelmed by my present reality and I need to take a step back and look at what is going on from a straightforward, less judgmental perspective. Look at all the good things I am doing that I value. As for making strong choices tomorrow that will support who I want to be, I need to focus on why they will benefit me long term. When I examine the recent unfocused patterns in my day to day, I see that most of the choices that I am unsatisfied with in retrospect, are rooted in instant gratification with no regard for future consequences.
Plan for action: I need to work on finding peace with the fact that some of the best choices for me will cause some initial discomfort but will benefit me in the long run. The other piece for me is routine. I am a creature of habit, I generally do well with a predictable schedule and I know that the more good choices I make, the easier it will get to make those choices and I will gain positive momentum.
For all of you struggling with something, I encourage you to write it out or meditate, envisioning the life you want to make for yourself. Its not always easy but its worth it, life is a gift.
Twin Mom, Yogi, and Health Nut!